I turned thirty-five last month. I do not say that to sound old, because I do not feel old. But there is something about passing that milestone that made me look back at my twenties with a mix of fondness and exasperation. I made so many mistakes. I worried about so many things that did not matter. I ignored so many things that did.
If I could sit down with my twenty-year-old self and have a honest conversation, here are the ten lessons I would share. They are not original. Most of them have been said before by people wiser than me. But they are true, and I learned every single one of them the hard way so you do not have to.
Youth is wasted on the young. But wisdom does not have to be. The lessons other people learned through pain can be gifted to you if you are willing to listen.
1. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset
In my twenties, I treated my body like it was indestructible. I survived on five hours of sleep, processed food, and caffeine. I never exercised. I thought I was saving time by burning the candle at both ends. Then I turned thirty and my body started keeping score. My back hurt constantly. My digestion was a mess. I had developed anxiety that I had to manage with therapy and medication. It took me two years to undo the damage I had done. I wish I had known that sleep, nutrition, and exercise are not optional. They are maintenance. You would not drive a car for five years without changing the oil, but that is exactly what I did to my body. Take care of your health now. Your future self will thank you.
2. Compound Interest Works Both Ways
I knew about compound interest in theory. I did not understand it emotionally. The idea that investing two hundred dollars a month in my twenties could grow to over half a million dollars by retirement seemed abstract. I spent my money on things I do not even remember buying. Eating out, clothes, electronics, drinks. If I had redirected even a fraction of that spending into a simple index fund, I would be in a completely different financial position today. The best time to start investing was yesterday. The second best time is today. Your twenty-year-old self does not need to be a financial expert. Just open an account, automate a monthly contribution, and leave it alone.
3. The People You Surround Yourself With Will Shape Your Life
I used to think I was immune to peer influence. I was wrong. The five people I spent the most time with had a profound effect on my habits, my mindset, and my ambitions. When I hung out with people who complained constantly, I became a complainer. When I spent time with people who were ambitious and disciplined, I became more ambitious and disciplined. It happened without me noticing. I wish I had been more intentional about choosing my friends. Not in a snobby way. Just in the sense of recognizing that friendships are not passive. The people you spend time with are the people you become. Choose wisely.
4. Rejection Is a Gift, Not a Punishment
I spent my twenties terrified of rejection. I did not apply for jobs I wanted because I was afraid of not getting them. I did not ask people out because I was afraid of being turned down. I did not share my ideas because I was afraid of criticism. I cannot tell you how many opportunities I missed because I was too afraid to hear the word no. Then I learned something that changed everything: rejection is information. It tells you what to improve, who to avoid, or what path to take instead. A no is not a verdict on your worth. It is data. I started collecting rejections like badges of honor. Every no brought me closer to a yes, and every yes I got was sweeter because I had earned it through persistence.
5. Comparison Is the Thief of Joy, but It Is Also a Thief of Time
I wasted countless hours comparing my behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. Social media made it worse. I would see someone my age buying a house, getting married, or landing a dream job, and I would feel like I was falling behind. That feeling of inadequacy would paralyze me for days. Here is what I eventually realized: everyone is on a different timeline. The person who seems ahead of you now might burn out in two years. The person who seems behind might be building something sustainable. The only comparison that matters is between who you are today and who you were yesterday. Measure your progress against yourself, not against strangers on the internet.
6. Say Yes to Things That Scare You
I almost did not go to the networking event where I met my mentor. I almost did not take the project that nobody else wanted, which turned into my biggest career success. I almost said no to the trip that changed how I see the world. Almost every meaningful opportunity in my life came wrapped in fear. I learned that fear and excitement feel identical in the body. The only difference is how you label them. When I felt scared about something, I started reframing it as excitement. This is happening. Let us see where it goes. That reframe alone has led me to experiences I never would have had otherwise.
7. You Cannot Pour From an Empty Cup
I was a people-pleaser in my twenties. I said yes to everything. I helped everyone. I put everyone else's needs ahead of my own. I thought that was what being a good person meant. What it actually meant was that I was constantly exhausted, resentful, and burned out. I learned that setting boundaries is not selfish. It is necessary. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. This applies to work, friendships, family, and romantic relationships. Saying no to something that drains you is saying yes to something that sustains you. Learn to say no gracefully and without guilt.
8. Your Career Is a Jungle Gym, Not a Ladder
I grew up thinking that careers were linear. You pick a path, climb the ladder, and end up somewhere predictable. That is not how it works. My career has been a chaotic mess of sideways moves, temporary setbacks, and unexpected opportunities. I worked in three different industries before I found the one I love. I took a pay cut to switch fields, which felt insane at the time but was the best decision I ever made. Do not be afraid to zigzag. Do not be afraid to start over. The idea of a straight path is a myth. The only real mistake is staying somewhere that makes you unhappy because you think you have to.
9. Experiences Matter More Than Possessions
I spent so much money on things I thought would make me happy. A nicer phone, a better TV, a leather jacket, a new car. None of it made me happier for longer than a week. The happiness from buying something fades almost immediately. The happiness from experiences grows over time. The trip I took with my friends five years ago still makes me smile when I remember it. The concert I went to, the cooking class I took, the weekend hiking trip, those memories are still vivid. The stuff I bought is in a landfill or a donation bin. Spend your money on experiences. They are the only purchases that appreciate in value.
10. Happiness Is Not a Destination, It Is a Direction
I spent most of my twenties thinking that happiness was something I would achieve once I reached certain milestones. Once I get the job. Once I get promoted. Once I have enough money. Once I find the right partner. I kept moving the goalposts. Every time I achieved something, I found a new thing to chase. I realized that happiness is not a destination you arrive at. It is the direction you choose every day. It is found in small moments, not big achievements. The morning coffee on the balcony. The conversation with a friend. The feeling of finishing a good book. I stopped trying to be happy and started paying attention to the happiness that was already there.
Your twenties are not the best years of your life. They are the training years. Everything that feels like a disaster now will be a story you tell later. Everything that feels like a failure will be a lesson you teach. Trust the process.
If I could go back and tell my twenty-year-old self one thing, it would be this: you are doing better than you think. The anxiety you feel about the future is normal. The uncertainty is not a sign that you are on the wrong path. It is a sign that you are on a path worth walking. Keep going. Be kind to yourself. And start investing in that index fund.